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Poppers and Prosecco
What’s the difference between a dead frog in the road, and a dead trombone player in the road? The frog was probably going to a gig! Hah! Get it? Well… it took me 8 years to get it, so let me explain. When you go out hunting frogs, that is called “gigging”. Gigging is bad for a frog. When you go out playing an instrument in a band for money, that is called “gigging”. Gigging is good for a trombone player… but man, you gotta be good. You pretty much need a bass player and a drummer… not many people need a trombone player, so they typically don’t get many gigs… Did I explain that right? Wait, let me start over… You can download the full uncompressed files here!
Welcome to the tropical paradise of Port Horizon. Not much to do here but listen to the short wave radios and play guitar. There is also food and drinks with those little umbrellas… Other than that – not much. Except snorkeling. Snorkeling is pretty cool. Oh, there is also Art Night on Tuesday – where you get a volleyball and some paints and make yourself a friend! Beach chess… I forgot about Beach Chess. Don’t play white against Todd, though – he plays all-Hedgehog all the time. Come on, Todd – just once, seriously ONCE could you play King’s Indian or… you know what? I’d even take the French Defence; Exchange Variation, you boring symmetrical jerk. You can download the full uncompressed files here!
So many big drums! All the big drums in all one place! Bonus; Extra people banging on gamelan metals!Uncompressed download comes with a version with just the drums… I’m not sure if this of for non-musicologists who may not like the gamelan – or specifically for musicologists who think I’ve used the gamelan improperly. You can download the full uncompressed files here!
Picture a pixellated medieval village… cause that’s what this is. It is the kind of music we think they played back in the day. It is not historically. But I’m okay with that, because we also didn’t have lich-kings, lich-mages, lich-illithids, lich-warriors, or lich-archers. We did have lichens, though… I like lichens! You can download the full uncompressed files here!
March of the Spoons
How can you tell if a piece of music is intended to be comedic? Pizzicato strings and a bass clarinet! This piece has it all! Pizzicato strings? Check! Bass clarinet? You bet! Throw in some staccato high winds and you got yourself a great comedic piece! Going out on a date and want to appear more entertaining? Bring a bass clarinet! Bass clarinet players I think also get discounts at T.G.I.Fridays; Double bonus! You can download the full uncompressed files here!
Hey buddy, wanna buy a ferret? How about a trained ferret? Okay, I didn’t really train her… she just has a predisposition to things. She stuffs squirrels into boxes, feeds them sugary treats and then empties the boxes though mailslots. Well, if you’re not going to buy her, how about some nails… to keep your mailslot closed. You can download the full uncompressed files here!
A new venture from Rafael Krux – beautiful cinematic orchestral music offered for free for anyone to use! He’s working on a second album which should be available in under a month, so bookmark and check back!
Ok, I might be crying a little bit. But it is understandable… I went to a party store, and I saw all the colorful balloons with happy sayings on them like “Get Well” and “Feel Better” and “A Hug for You”… I just started thinking how the helium will all be gone one day. Just gone… we won’t get it back, and it took millions of years of radioactive decay to get the helium we have now… and… *sniff* we just don’t have millions more years to wait for more. They’re wasting helium in balloons… how can I possibly “Feel Better”!? You can download the full uncompressed files here!
Well met, traveller! Come warm by my brazier… Is that a Djinn in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me? Hah! I have a joke with you! …unless it is a djinn – then you must leave immediately! …unless that would offend the djinn – then you must stay! …unless the djinn is going to kill me – then you must leave immediately! …unless it will save me from a fate worse than death – then you must stay! Oh good… it was an erection. Uncompressed download comes with a faster version. You can download the full uncompressed files here!
Would you like to sample my wares? I specialize in non-djinn-infested housewares! Djinn-free spoons, Djinn-free curtains, Djinn-free spices, mostly Djinn-free oil lamps, Djinn-free flying carpets (still magic, but not Djinn powered). Come on in to Gazeem’s Discount mostly-Djinn-free Housewares Tent! You won’t be disappointed… unless you want a Djinn, then go see Maghrib. You can download the full uncompressed files here!