Picture a pixellated medieval village… cause that’s what this is. It is the kind of music we think they played back in the day. It is not historically. But I’m okay with that, because we also didn’t have lich-kings, lich-mages, lich-illithids, lich-warriors, or lich-archers. We did have lichens, though… I like lichens! You can download the full uncompressed files here!
March of the Spoons
How can you tell if a piece of music is intended to be comedic? Pizzicato strings and a bass clarinet! This piece has it all! Pizzicato strings? Check! Bass clarinet? You bet! Throw in some staccato high winds and you got yourself a great comedic piece! Going out on a date and want to appear more entertaining? Bring a bass clarinet! Bass clarinet players I think also get discounts at T.G.I.Fridays; Double bonus! You can download the full uncompressed files here!
Hey buddy, wanna buy a ferret? How about a trained ferret? Okay, I didn’t really train her… she just has a predisposition to things. She stuffs squirrels into boxes, feeds them sugary treats and then empties the boxes though mailslots. Well, if you’re not going to buy her, how about some nails… to keep your mailslot closed. You can download the full uncompressed files here!
A new venture from Rafael Krux – beautiful cinematic orchestral music offered for free for anyone to use! He’s working on a second album which should be available in under a month, so bookmark and check back!
Ok, I might be crying a little bit. But it is understandable… I went to a party store, and I saw all the colorful balloons with happy sayings on them like “Get Well” and “Feel Better” and “A Hug for You”… I just started thinking how the helium will all be gone one day. Just gone… we won’t get it back, and it took millions of years of radioactive decay to get the helium we have now… and… *sniff* we just don’t have millions more years to wait for more. They’re wasting helium in balloons… how can I possibly “Feel Better”!? You can download the full uncompressed files here!
Well met, traveller! Come warm by my brazier… Is that a Djinn in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me? Hah! I have a joke with you! …unless it is a djinn – then you must leave immediately! …unless that would offend the djinn – then you must stay! …unless the djinn is going to kill me – then you must leave immediately! …unless it will save me from a fate worse than death – then you must stay! Oh good… it was an erection. Uncompressed download comes with a faster version. You can download the full uncompressed files here!
Would you like to sample my wares? I specialize in non-djinn-infested housewares! Djinn-free spoons, Djinn-free curtains, Djinn-free spices, mostly Djinn-free oil lamps, Djinn-free flying carpets (still magic, but not Djinn powered). Come on in to Gazeem’s Discount mostly-Djinn-free Housewares Tent! You won’t be disappointed… unless you want a Djinn, then go see Maghrib. You can download the full uncompressed files here!
The smell of a garden hose, that muted crack when you start up a glowstick, watching the sunrise with a glass of freshly squeezed orange juice… all so calming… This piece of music is like that. Simple, bleeping, and slowly changing. Can you think of something else that is simple, bleeping, and changing? “an old PC speaker?” well, that’s simple and bleeping. “EDM?” that’s… bleeping and changing. “Hippie fashion?” that’s… Hippie fashion? I don’t know what that is. Well, it is long hair and paisley bell-bottoms and far too many beads… You just found the outside of the Venn Diagram. You can download the full uncompressed files here!
Pookatori and Friends
Are your eyeballs soft? Let’s be delightful with Pookatori! It is extremely happy to
drink when you are thirsty. Pookatori will help! Pookatori always helps! Are you aware of your own defect? Pookatori will smile to your grandmother every day! Would you like a beautiful pie? Pookatori has many friends made from a magic and people balls. Let’s have fun with Pookatori’s friends! Do you like to absorbing? Functional!! You can download the full uncompressed files here!
Mega Hyper Ultrastorm
Player One Up! Ready! Go! Health 100%. Weasel Gun Equipped. This is sort of how I imagined 80s electronic music people tried to copy the distorted guitars of the day, but with 8bit sound sources. It doesn’t sound like guitars at all, but it does sound like people trying to sound like guitars… and that’s a thing now. You can download the full uncompressed files here!
So you’re producing an interview segment! Problem is most people suck at being interviewed. Like… almost everyone. What do you do? You could send the non-media professional to an improv class, you could do 5 pre-interview coachings, or you could schedule a 3-day “pre-interview” at an all-inclusive beach resort in hopes that you will “share a moment” and uncover some goddamn humanity in your interview subject.
Or. You could just put some interesting music behind the segment. If your crap interview is longer than this piece Do NOT loop this music – fire your editor. You can download the full uncompressed files here!
You know when you watch a vampire movie and then you walk out into the real world, but you’re still sort of in the fictional world because it looked like the real world… and that’s where you are now. I call this Persistence of Fiction, and it feels awesome! Capture some fiction by playing this track while walking to the bus… er the Vampire Bus! or waiting in line at the Vampire DMV or sorting Vampire Direct Mail Ads or doing some Vampire Macrame. You can download the full uncompressed files here!