Musical wallpaper! You might think that’s a bad thing, but it quite useful for playing under interviews, or during countdowns, or in really hip cafes where you can get an Americano (coffee) or an Americano (Campari+vermouth cocktail). Life Pro Tip: ALWAYS refrigerate your vermouth! It is a wine product and will go bad if open at room temperature. So, to all of you who “hate vermouth”, no – you hate ruined vermouth. Just like anyone who has only had room temperature red wine that’s been opened for 3 weeks would hate wine. You can download the full uncompressed files here!
Starts slow and builds to an ecstasy the likes of which are almost guaranteed to garner donations from your flock! Bonus track comes with a everything except the drums in case you need a smoother feel. You can download the full uncompressed files here!
Come in and listen to some high-energy Irish-like drinking music in an authentic pub! Not one of those clean American things that say they are “Irish pubs”, but a proper Irish pub with tiny windows that are too high to see out of and thick dark carpeting that always smells like old beer. You can download the full uncompressed files here!
It came from the 1980s, but was mutated by some trap monster which gave it a new lease on life! I’m not gonna lie, this is an odd hybrid – super useful for your YouTube channels! You can’t not like this piece… unless you have no soul. You can download the full uncompressed files here!
I gotta admit, I’ve never been to a clambake, only ever fish boils… which are similar, except for clambakes usually involve mollusks and giant sea-bugs, and fish boils involve fish. Also, clambakes are more steaming and fish boils are more boiling. You’re more likely to see Green Bay Packers jerseys at fish boils, and more likely to see New England Patriots jerseys at clambakes. This music is west-coast, though… The more I think about it – the less useful this descriptive paragraph becomes.
Uncompressed download comes with a couple mild variations, including “Psychedelic”. You can download the full uncompressed files here!
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Poppers and Prosecco
What’s the difference between a dead frog in the road, and a dead trombone player in the road? The frog was probably going to a gig! Hah! Get it? Well… it took me 8 years to get it, so let me explain. When you go out hunting frogs, that is called “gigging”. Gigging is bad for a frog. When you go out playing an instrument in a band for money, that is called “gigging”. Gigging is good for a trombone player… but man, you gotta be good. You pretty much need a bass player and a drummer… not many people need a trombone player, so they typically don’t get many gigs… Did I explain that right? Wait, let me start over… You can download the full uncompressed files here!
Welcome to the tropical paradise of Port Horizon. Not much to do here but listen to the short wave radios and play guitar. There is also food and drinks with those little umbrellas… Other than that – not much. Except snorkeling. Snorkeling is pretty cool. Oh, there is also Art Night on Tuesday – where you get a volleyball and some paints and make yourself a friend! Beach chess… I forgot about Beach Chess. Don’t play white against Todd, though – he plays all-Hedgehog all the time. Come on, Todd – just once, seriously ONCE could you play King’s Indian or… you know what? I’d even take the French Defence; Exchange Variation, you boring symmetrical jerk. You can download the full uncompressed files here!
So many big drums! All the big drums in all one place! Bonus; Extra people banging on gamelan metals!Uncompressed download comes with a version with just the drums… I’m not sure if this of for non-musicologists who may not like the gamelan – or specifically for musicologists who think I’ve used the gamelan improperly. You can download the full uncompressed files here!
Picture a pixellated medieval village… cause that’s what this is. It is the kind of music we think they played back in the day. It is not historically. But I’m okay with that, because we also didn’t have lich-kings, lich-mages, lich-illithids, lich-warriors, or lich-archers. We did have lichens, though… I like lichens! You can download the full uncompressed files here!
March of the Spoons
How can you tell if a piece of music is intended to be comedic? Pizzicato strings and a bass clarinet! This piece has it all! Pizzicato strings? Check! Bass clarinet? You bet! Throw in some staccato high winds and you got yourself a great comedic piece! Going out on a date and want to appear more entertaining? Bring a bass clarinet! Bass clarinet players I think also get discounts at T.G.I.Fridays; Double bonus! You can download the full uncompressed files here!
Hey buddy, wanna buy a ferret? How about a trained ferret? Okay, I didn’t really train her… she just has a predisposition to things. She stuffs squirrels into boxes, feeds them sugary treats and then empties the boxes though mailslots. Well, if you’re not going to buy her, how about some nails… to keep your mailslot closed. You can download the full uncompressed files here!