Onion Capers

Hey buddy, that is quite the sack of onions you have! If I had a sack of onions like that, I’d be happier than a tree on Arbor Day! Everyone wants to get their hand in an onion sack like that.
Me? I like a nice purple onion, but you don’t get to pick favorites when you got your hand in an onion sack. A big yellow one can feel like a little purple one. You won’t know ’til you pull it out, and by then you already got yourself an onion.
I know most folks don’t want strangers mucking about in unfamiliar onion sacks these days, so I’ll be on my way. But, that is quite the sack of onions you have.

To perform the monolog “Onion Capers” at your school or event, speak the words out loud at your school or event.
You can download the full uncompressed files here!

Crusade – Heavy Industry

Do you have recurring dreams of being an industrial roomba working in an ore processing facility? Do you make fantasy paintings and need some music for timelapses?
Do you go jog-hopping in low-gravity post-apocalyptic environments? Do you have opinions about eggs? Are you a monster who is in charge of other monsters? Did you work on a top-hat/sombrero assembly line? Are you starting a ferry line on the river Acheron to compete with Charon? Are you drafting epic legislation? Do you enjoy hitting dumpsters with sticks?
You can download the full uncompressed files here!

Le Grand Chase

You never notice how effective a car horn is until you use it. I usually park my car near a sidewalk and alarm 7 year olds on their way to and from school. 7 year olds are your target market for this sort of thing. They jump like antelope! All the kids in my neighborhood are acclimatized, now. It isn’t as much fun.
You also never notice how effective a Picardy third is until you do it with car horns. You’re welcome.
You can download the full uncompressed files here!

Flying Kerfuffle

Happy happy, happy happiness. Happier, happiest? Happy. Now that the word has lost all meaning, take a listen to this thing. It is dripping with joy. Ever see a sad person on a jetski? Of course not. It isn’t possible. Similarly, you can’t listen to this and be sad. No Mortal Can! You can be angry at it, you can dislike it, but you can’t be sad because of it. What happens when you employ modern club music techniques on music for folk dances? This.
You can download the full uncompressed files here!

I’m not sure what “trap” music is exactly. I was trying to explain it to a friend and ended up writing this piece. I was listening to Lo-Fi Glitch at the time, which should explain a few things. Behold! Lo-Fi Trap! Dream Catcher! Get it? A Dream Catcher is a lo-fi trap! HAHAHHAHAhahaha! I already upgraded from a Dream Catcher to a Dream Glue Trap.
You can get the dreams off with corn oil. They won’t be happy. Wear thick gloves.
You can download the full uncompressed files here!